A very chocolate fantasy

Ya gotta wonder what some people eat for breakfast. I mean, really.

The concern arises from a new research study which suggests that the more chocolate a nationality eats, the brainier its people become.

Okay, so most of us with half a chocolate fetish would like to believe that indulging our passion for the sweet darkness of that silky smooth substance enhances our intelligence.

We can see the impact on our hips so if we dared imagine a similar impact on our brains, then we might kid ourselves that we could make the world a better place instead of just a fatter place.

But, hold on. This research must be a joke, right? Nah, those who produced it reckon they’re on the money. They’re scientists (some dudes out of Columbia University in New York) and they tell us they know what’s what.

So . . . what’s the theory behind their startling conclusion? Wait for it: this is a doozy.

These guys tell us that there are more Nobel Laureates in countries that eat more chocolate. They say there is a ‘powerful scientific correlation’ to support their thesis. Hmmm . . .

Frankly, I think you’d have to chew a few LSD tabs to reach a conclusion that there is a viable connection between these two apparent facts.

Now, I’m just an ignorant SOB who hangs upside down off the Great Land Down Under so what the hell would I know anyway? And these results were published in the New England Journal of Medicine which gives them credibility which I clearly don’t have.

But, hey, they can’t be for real, surely?

Okay, they say the Swiss win hands down and they’re followed by the Swedes, the Danes, the Austrians and the Norwegians. Seems to be a fairly close-knit family unit there. And wasn’t Alfred Nobel a Swede himself. Hmm . . . I’m sensing a correlation. Maybe even a powerful scientific correlation?

But, then again, I’m just a dumb Aussie who truly likes chocolate but tries not to indulge in order to leave a little more room on this tiny planet for our ever-mushrooming population.

Perhaps an insight into this delicious mystery can be gleaned from the lead scientist who says he got the idea while sitting in a hotel room when he had nothing to do. Hmm, again . . .

Didn’t they invent pay-as-you-view movies for times like that?

You draw your own conclusions but if it smells like turkey and squabbles like a turkey, then we could suggest there is a powerful scientific correlation that it is a turkey. Waddya reckon?