Caffein capers collapse credibility

Coffee is a funny addiction. No, seriously. Cast your mind back to the first time you tasted coffee. Exceptionally few would recall it as a pleasant experience. It tastes bitter and most first-timers wonder what the hell all the fuss is about.

But social pressure persuades us to persist. We succumb and eventually learn to salivate at the very mention of this decadent drug that escapes all legislative sanctions. Ah, habit, you are such a dominatrix.

So it is that coffee has not only pervaded society but, in many instances, has come to actually define it. Yet the modern world is nothing if not a trampler of tradition.

Which is why there is a certain kind of symmetry to the knowledge that cheating is now the choice of the champions of cappuccino.

And short cuts have taken precedence over short shots in the very heart of food and beverage heaven: France.

In a bewildering fog of befuddlement, Frenchies have undermined the credibility of the supposedly unsurpassed Michelin star as the standard of success.

It has been revealed that more than 100 Michelin-starred restaurants across France have dispensed with baristas and installed Nespressos. Hush my mouth, I know, but I swear it’s true.

And this is not just some random infringement of customary standards: this is no less than a complete breaching of the walls of gourmet gastronomy.

The pernicious peddlars of convenience have even persuaded the renowned three-star L’Arpege in Paris to serve customers Nespresso instead of hand-brewed beans.

Nor is this indiscretion confined to French cuisine. The Poms have aped the trend and even those arrogant Italians have abjectly surrendered to fast-food syndrome.

Consider that the extraordinary Heston Blumenthal is Nespressing at his famed Fat Duck while another 20 Michelin-star restaurants across Italy are mimicking him.

If that is not sufficiently depressing, these new stats do not even include rival coffee capsule companies such as Kimbo, Illy, Lavazza and Sigafredo.

The world as we know it is surely coming to an end. We are being quickly encapsulated in the contraptions of convenience. Nothing is sacred anymore.