The lovely land of Lilliput

The Japanese are wonderful people, no question. But they aren’t the biggest bunch of blokes and sheilas in the world.

If you were to be politically incorrect, you might suggest that many of them are tiny. Otherwise, you’d just say they were a bunch of short-arses. Nah, just kidding!

But they are – generally – very slight people for most of whom playing basketball is just a silly concept. Unlike the Chinese they appear not to prescribe growth hormones for aspiring sports stars!

So it is that Japanese houses are tiny and, indeed, their whole approach to life is very contained. This comes to the fore in a hotel in Moriguchi, Japan operated by a global chain.

You begin to suspect something is different when you cannot get yourself and your case through the door at the same time. You go first or the bag goes first but side-by-side is not an option.

As you enter, you nearly trip into the window at the far end of the room. Nah, just kidding. But, when measured, the room is a mere 5 metres long. Think of that as your full body length times two and a half. Width? A massive 2.5 metres.

So . . . you ain’t gonna swing a cat because not only would that really hurt its tail (in which case it would probably claw you to death first) but because its head would bang against each wall something dreadful.

Anyway. . . the fascinating thing is the Japanese approach to bathrooms, well, hotel bathrooms in cheap accommodation anyway. The only humans on Earth whose bodily functions were intended to be conducted in such a confined space are the offspring of contortionsists.

The concept of bidet becomes rather more encompassing since showering and, well, that other thing, are done effectively in the same space. You know you are in an alien landscape when you need to buy those tiny tubes of toothpaste in order to be able to take them into the bathroom with you. Then just use your fingers because there’s no room for the toothbrush.

But size differences aside, the Japanese are lovely people and their land is a great place to spend time. You’ll never know if you don’t go!