I just wanna swim with a polar bear

Polar bear

I just wanna swim with a polar bear. Okay, so they might be partial to some human flesh if it came their way on a cold day, but they are just so damned intriguing.

They always strike me as cute and while I recognise that their native environment and untold millennia of genetic conditioning makes them exceptionally skilful at catching and killing large prey, they also seem so playful.

And it might seem somewhat strange to call such a massive creature cuddly but that’s exactly what they are. Gorgeously, fabulously, wondrously cuddly.

How would it feel to stroke one of these magnificent creatures? To actually be up close with one and gauge its temperament. Even through the limiting capabilities of television their eyes appear to portray a rare intelligence. Yes, the eyes of some angry males do display a callous coldness that is rather chilling when you consider how they might tear you apart for dinner. But their sheer size and raw power is captivating.

I know I would last but a minute or two in their freezing currents before solidifying like a block of ice but the idea of swimming near one is entrancing. Dolphins are superlative masters of their ocean environment and their body shape marks them as exceptionally graceful. But while polar bears, given their sheer size and stocky build, initially seem a mismatch for aquatic athleticism they impart a dominance of the conditions with surpassing ease.

It’s somewhat like a massive nuclear-powered aircraft carrier that appears ridiculously large to even float let alone manoeuvre but which has extraordinary nautical capabilities.

And I have as much chance of swimming with a polar bear as I do of captaining a nuclear carrier so this is simply a silly notion. But, gee, I reckon it would be wonderful.

Photo acknowledgement: Ucumari