Australian manhood goes soft


Dear, oh, dear!  Australian manhood has just been dealt a devastating blow.

New research suggests we can’t get it up when it counts. Who would have thought?

Our whole national ethos is based on the myth of the rugged individualist and Aussie men are generally thought to consider themselves as John Wayne/Clint Eastwood types who are hard-bitten but with a soft centre.

And we have long revelled in the rollicking Hollywood typecasting of swashbuckling Aussie leading men from Errol Flynn to Russell Crowe.  Lay waste to those women, lads! (in a respectful and genteel manner, of course).

But it seems things have gotten all too difficult for us once we lose the sweet bloom of youth.

The research shows that almost two-thirds of Australian men over 45 have erectile dysfunction (ED). If size matters – and I’m told it does – then that’s a BIG number.

Startlingly, the odds of being a ‘slacker’ increase by 11% a year. By the time Aussie men have reached 75 years of age, 82% of us have moderate or complete ED.

No wonder Australian women are starting to live much longer.

A number of medical conditions bring on limpness. These include prostate cancer, diabetes, heart disease and stroke.

But the old culprits remain ever-present: anxiety and depression will fly our flag at half-mast quicker than a cold shower. Getting fat will help shrink the old feller so much the blood can’t get into where it can do most good.

Smoking reduces hardness in a manner that reminds one of kissing an ashtray. Twenty or more fags a day will cut your odds of getting it up by 86%. Don’t let your love life go up in smoke!

And the fear of brewer’s droop is not quite so bad as some have feared. In fact, up to three drinks a day can actually put a spring in your . . .  But more than 30 drinks a week will likely cause a decline.

Still, it’s all common sense, as one medico put it:  “The healthier you are, the less obese, the more exercise you get, and the happier you are in terms of your life generally, the better your sexual function will be.”

Fret less and get more: that’s not too hard, is it?

Acknowledgement: Catherine Hanrahan and Medical Observer