A fabulous interview with Cory Bernardi


Sir, some are calling you Sinator given your crimes against the Liberal Party and humanity. How do you respond

Well, Jesus too, was castigated by people who did not understand his true glory.

You compare yourself to the Messiah

I answer to many names. I use this title not for any personal self-aggrandisement and only to remind people of the reality of a higher being.

I note your middle name is Judas. Why were you named after The Great Denier?

It is my mission to hold the rest of the world to account. Those who would spout untruths must be denied.

You admit you have been estranged from your own brother for over a decade. Even in each other’s company you won’t speak to him

Big deal

Hmmm . . . your father was an immigrant and your mother was a staunch Labor supporter. Are you not denying them given your hatred of multiculturalism and anybody to the left of Genghis Khan?

As the chosen one, my task is not to be deflected by the labels applied to me, simply to share my revelations

You are chosen? By whom and for what

The people will recognise my truth. To hear my word is to understand the path to salvation. My church, Australian Conservatives, is a broad cathedral dedicated to the purity of The One

That sounds like onanism

Onanism is my faith. I, alone, know the truth. Those who have fallen from the faith and those who will not hear it will know suffering. They will be denied the comfort of the presence of the Messiah. They are the unbelievers but I can offer them salvation.

Your wife says you have a great marriage because you are both in love with the same person.

She is a person of impeccable taste.

Two of your former party leaders have denounced you

I call on lapsed believers Abbott and Turnbull to recant their slings and arrows of shame at me and admit to my truth

But all others have refused to adopt your faith

My singularity is a stimulus for personal comfort. I am accustomed to seeking solace in my own presence. Some of the most profound truths are revealed to me during my personal intercourse

I’m sorry but could you repeat that?

Personal contemplation offers insights – almost a release of joy – that sustain me

But there are many for whom you would deny joy

Sinners such as those who would terminate life, those who would cavort with their own kind, those who would treat women as equals, those who would deny Muslims are terrorists; they shall all know the wrath of the Messiah.

So, you don’t see yourself as a great healer of Australian politics?

You can’t go through life being loved by everybody, that’s a recipe for nothingness.

Sinator, I think we are beginning to see the truth. Thank you for your time.

Image courtesy of greenleft. org